He was broken up with her at that time, and had no agreement that they would get together in the future. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. Already Tired of the Baby Malarky. iseeshiny Steve Kellmeyer The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Chopper jump on another severe cold day with the right hand exposed to activate the reserve chute. Also, I dont understand why you spend your whole letter insulting her instead of him. Malarky. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? iseeshiny He can take all the risks he wants its his choice. Sometimes the reasons are clear, such as frequent arguments, lack of interest, and abuse. Another thing that happened in my friends case is that at the same time that they signed things to waive his parental rights, the mother had the child adopted by her fiance and then her fiances name was put on the birth certificate from the get go (though, this was all done behind my friends back and that part was done without his consent, nor was even discussed). from the letter: April 9, 2012, 1:49 pm. She and Jimmy were going to raise their children together. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. Now hes going to have to deal with it, even if he wants nothing to do with the childhis wallet will. When you break up, you get the rare opportunity to see your ex's true nature at the worst of times. And that isnt fair either. Its very comforting to hear and I hope to do as good of a job as your mother did. Guy Friday Lots of it. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. Two. One is right next to me . People need to think about their actions and the consequences. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. Um, I dont think anyone actually said that. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. The LW said that he is furious that shes keeping the baby. Because when the woman has a baby, she isnt a slave to anything. He sounds a bit flakey. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. Cried my eyeballs out evry nite. At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. Francine Where exactly do you live? just as she has the responsibility not to lie. You dont really get a say in this matter. Its not JUST about your ex-boyfriend, LW. Also, at least here in this state, its not in any way an easy thing to get out of paying, and I think its relatively difficult to avoid paying child support unless youre essentially a transient or if the woman doesnt make much of an effort to get support. iseeshiny And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? April 9, 2012, 12:52 pm. I am amazed at people who think abortion is wrong for religious reasons, but have no concerns about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met for two minutes. Man, I was having a crappy morning and now I feel SO MUCH BETTER, because Im not this LW. Just because you have the right to do something doesnt mean that you should. Instead of re-commenting this in the 23 different places above where it applies, Ill say it here (again): Why is everyone assuming he didnt use a condom? He was there just as much as that woman was. Iwannatalktosampson Terrance Dean. There is no indication that he is committed to having a relationship with you on any level. Let me fill you in on reality: when a guy sleeps with a woman he believes to be on the pill, he does so with the not-unreasonable expectation that she doesnt want to become pregnant. My ex got another girl pregnant right after we broke up She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. T he mystery of Tom's sudden baby endured until several years ago when I looked him up on Facebook. Youre expecting women to put the penis of some guy theyve known for two minutes in their mouth?!?!?!?! Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. You are the one who is keeping this rollercoaster of a relationship going with him. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. Can you blame me for feeling this way? I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. I feel so depressed about everything. There is a massive difference between wanting a pregnancy to be terminated and deciding to have nothing to do with a child who has been born. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. Male victims being forced to pay child support, while extremely rare, I agree is sad and unfair to those boys. When two people opt to have not conceive by mistake but instead carry through to birth a child, they should be obligated to that child. I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). So then, to be clear, your point isnt that gay men are more likely to wear condoms. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. it happens. It will have feelings too. ! And then of course Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK meltdown. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. Or so so many of you all keep saying. reader, confused.i.is+, writes (25 January 2008): All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft. Guess what LW? He could've at least waited a week after coming back! Not in the 50s or 60s and maybe not as late as the 80s but today the father gets joint custody. He had sex, she got pregnant, presumably its his, and hell provide support. Model Mustang. One of the draw backs of only knowing someone for a short period of time. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. I think we need to take a poll. Image Source. Woah. They talk, hed says hed rather not have a kid and would like her to get an abortion. But I think that both people have equal responsibility and equal rights in expressing a view. He says he cant stand her? Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. But instead, she rushed into a new relationship with some new guy, got pregnant, and appeared completely irresponsible. So, let it be over. Theyve both made their choice. I was devastated. kerrycontrary Because she does not have the right to waive support for the child. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. Youre all about putting consequeces on her choice to keep the baby what about his consequences? are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. Because women are always unfairly saddled with the burden of child birth, we will always be the ones who make the choices about whats going on in our own bodies. Jimmy and Susie are in love. She says the girl says she got pregnant while on birth control, puh leaaaaaaaaaase. Dude, thats seriously out of line. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. Francine Parasites are all the same. Men this means condom. April 9, 2012, 12:53 pm, He might very well be an immature asshole. Theres a fun scenario. You have the proof he banged her and now they have a child together. just my opinion. We were apart for over five years when he announced he was becoming a father, and even though all that time had passed and despite my happiness with my new husband, it still conjured up a lot of . Theyre eating each other alive, and theyre doing it up hill both ways, in three feet of snow, with no shoes on! Thats why I kind of went to the extreme with the whole Threw some money thing. He can just disappear forever for all I care. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. Can I just say that would bother me a lot. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together.
She got pregnant. And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Except I acknowledged that was guesswork on my part. Consider that this is the kind of guy that has casual sex with people he doesnt really know/like while on break from a relationship with someone he cant live without. April 10, 2012, 9:47 am. They are babies. Not sure what it is now, but when I studied it in college the chance was about 1 in 10 (if you had unprotected sex with a known infected person). Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. Have an abortion or Ill be furious = Have fries with that or Ill be furious > Psycho.
-Is furious with her for keeping her baby Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. Listen, people have sexcasuallyand sometimes with people they never hope to see again. That is a WAY better scenario than I mentioned above which would be an in and out dad who pays zilch and really fucks the kids head up. She wants to abort Jimmys baby. Scolding him for indiscretion doesnt do anything its not his OR her fault that their personalities clash. Eh, he knows where babies come from and there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sexual experience that absolutely cannot result in anyone getting pregnant. She Left Me.PRANK WARS - BF VS GFWatch until. Has a great job. If you have any self respect, dump the sob. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. April 10, 2012, 6:23 pm, P.S. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. Francine Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. In the same situation currently. April 9, 2012, 10:46 am, Im not even sure how to address this letter, so I guess step by step is a good way to go. Would be nice if they could because there were many nights when I was pregnant where my husband could have had our babies lay on his bladder instead of mine. Exactly where is there a grown-up here? Hes scum for directing his fury at anyone other than himself. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. Not to mention raising the baby, which women are way way WAAAYYY more likely to do alone than men. Freeze your sperm and get a vasectomy. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Her mother supported her and helped raise my sister for the first couple of years. P.P.S. It hurts me that he will have to go through his first child experience with someone else while I watch. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2008): A
lets_be_honest Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. Are you kidding? I love your snark this morning!! Ill bite. Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration.. He apologized for not telling me sooner. We got back together but he dragged her along through texts for a week until I found out. This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. Its not fair to create a child and then abandon it. And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. We should use it more often. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? Abandoning a child does. I disagreed with a lot of your comments but I still enjoyed them. Is it 100% fair to men or women? If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! Thats true Yankee vernacular. That isnt the case. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING WOMEN to have abortions? Why is it that she gets to have his child and not you? Stop being a whiny spectator in your own life. But there is a happy ending to this story. female
And yes men create children. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. Thank God for the laws in place protecting children against men like you. They like to entrap men, too. The pull out method? You have to give up one or the other. Im PRETTY sure you only included this to make yourself sound like a selfless person. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. Bottom line. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. Why would you want a future with someone that could do something like that? Its not yours to deal with. Boy, for someone who cant live without you, he sure didnt wait to go out and sleep with someone else! A
That isnt misogyny. P.S. No one called him a criminal. You two seems very good at twisting everyones words, and then getting mad at those people for it. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. You dont want his problems. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. Im not implying anything other than exactly what I wrote. Really, people. And if this woman buys that line, shes a moron too. That makes her a scumbag, but it really doesnt absolve you of being the parent for that child. And be aware that nothing short of not having sex is 100% guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. That wont solve anything. On the other hand, once Im in a committed and loving relationship, I like giving blow jobs, even though I dont have any physical satisfaction from it. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! what if you were pregnant, LW scenario thats been mentioned). And shame on you for agreeing that he is entitled to this opinion. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. Focus on that though, and you are going to have a miserable life. I-RIGHT-I April 10, 2012, 7:00 pm, If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her.. He is not the end all and be all. bittergaymark Hey Bossip Fam, what do you think? By the way, there was no implication that it makes it easy for the woman to get child support. It is scummy though. Im sorry, but sex creates children. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. I mean, seriously. Well be together forever no matter what. is thrown around just to get in some dumb girls pants just as often as I wont get pregnant. is thrown around to trap ignorant dumbasses. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. silver_dragon_girl So again I think you are making it seem like he treated her like a human being, and talked about this rationally, but really, he was pissed at her for having his baby, threw some money at her, and told her to never come back again. Offers may be subject to change without notice. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. No worries. April 10, 2012, 10:28 am. By your logic, its just as much the waiters fault for not making sure the kitchen used different gloves when she didnt bother to tell him just how severe her allergy was. If your girlfriend complains that you never take . Instead, the LW seems to validate and support his furor, demands of an abortion, etc. He had no more to do with the existence of this child then an architect who only provides half the blueprints has responsibility for the existence of the Pentagon. If the woman is not required to support a child You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. Also he could argue in court that the EXs fiance has taken on the role of father and the child would be damaged to find out that the fiance is not really the father. Well, they dont entirely disregard fairness to the mother and/or father, but the childs interests take precedent. I honestly dont care if he did or didnt. There is a certain degree of sadness in all of this, yes, but Ive turned out far better than my friends whose fathers have been unable to make up their minds one way or another about parenthood. Because guess what? Just once. April 9, 2012, 5:05 pm. Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. April 9, 2012, 6:35 pm, Not highly infectious, huh? Whats your lawyers address? People arent calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a women he was dating. It means he or she will know their father, in a sense, and will also have the opportunity to believe that their father just simply didnt want to have anything to do with them. The scapegoats arent really the point- women, minorities, the government, poor people, rich people- it doesnt really matter. When choosing adoption, I think youve made a conscious decision that your child will be better off being parented by people other than you. female
The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. I really only mean exactly what I said. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! Dont care to be properly identified?
Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Id at least like a comment from the LW, since, as much fun as this has been, I do agree that it seems not unlikely that the letter is contrived. Your welcome. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. Your choice. They arent bad people because of it. LOL. He ordered her to get an abortion? He is going to focus his energy and time with his baby momma, his relationship with her, and making sure his child is born. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. Your 40-year-old ex-boyfriend sounds like an immature, irresponsible, whiney person. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. Mmmhmm, I thought so. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! He slept with his ex-fiancee once, and now she's pregnant. As a woman, I have to take responsibility that any man I have sex with may very well walk away from me never to be heard from again leaving me with a child to raise alone. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. door to door service. In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. The entire letter reeked of entitlement. We still cant quite manage partheogenesis or budding. No. The idea that he owes his life to her now that hes fathered her child is precisely the reason so many people are in unhappy marriages and there is such a high number of marital affairs. 2. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? Of course, there are adjustments to be made, but babies do not mean that all other relationships become secondary. And, yes, he should be taking precautions against STDs because even if he never gets back with the LW, is he going to remain celibate for the rest of his life? April 9, 2012, 9:37 am. Or shes against abortion. If youd like to share you e-mail, we could correspond more about this. April 9, 2012, 3:01 pm, Well, I have to just give the opposite side of this that 1. at least he plans to financially provide for the child and 2. if someone is so adament about not wanting children as he seems to be, then all are probably better off giving the child to the mother only which is a hell of a lot like adoption. Cant thank you enough for your response! He didnt expect that to happen. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2008): A
It merely reduces the chances. Painted_lady I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL So, hey, lets jump on him and discuss how vile he is because he didnt take measures to avoid it (and lets do so without any actual proof that he didnt wear a condom, that she wasnt on the pill, and so on). And not surprisingly, the name callers are all female. Because the bf in question was part of the creation of the child. If youre going to call anyone a slut, Chuck (which you shouldnt, its really very rude) why not the dude who slept with someone he cant stand and got her pregnant? April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. So what? It did say that he was furious at her for not getting an abortion. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. Step away slowly. Malarky. And we dont really know that she actually said shes on the pill or if she is indeed really pregnant or if the lw truly wants him to go off and marry the other woman. Imagine lending your new car to a friend who led you to believe they just needed to make a quick run to the Piggly Wiggly, only to have them return it to you totaled after having taken it on a weeklong bender in Vegas. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood.. He isnt what is best for you. Because thats really not that old. It was definitely his decision too. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. A female reader, iz07a +, writes (11 March 2010): my exboyfriend and i have been together for 5 yrs.
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